Saturday, February 8, 2014

Thank You

Fair warning, this post is a little more personal/sentimental. But it's been on my mind a lot lately and last night convinced me that I should use this opportunity to express some major gratitude for some blessings I've received. A lot of my readers know what has happened in my life during the past two years, but many of you don't so allow me to start back to when I graduated high school. A mere year and a half ago.

After I graduated, I felt incredibly liberated for a variety of reasons. I had been accepted into my dream school (Brigham Young University) and had a great job lined up for the summer before I left. BYU is known for its dating so I was looking forward to that aspect since dating in high school didn't exactly work in my favor. However about two weeks after I graduated, I started spending time with this guy I had met before, but didn't know super well. We started off as friends but after two or three weeks, I noticed that we were spending way more time together than most "friends" do. Pretty soon, we were dating. This terrified me because 1. I was leaving in August for a whole school year and 2. I was falling hard for this guy.

We decided that we had something pretty special and elected to date long distance while I was at school. Obviously this worked out pretty well because we got engaged in January and then married in May. Before we got married though, he searched for a job out in Utah so that I could stay there and finish my degree in Vocal Performance. While he was looking, I auditioned to be officially accepted into the program and was half a point away from getting in. I was devastated. I cried for three days straight. My roommate (bless her heart) never said anything, but brought me chocolate. Every potential job my fiancé had a lead on then fell through. It became fairly obvious at that point that I should transfer to Purdue (in my hometown, where they don't offer music as a major) so he could keep his current job. I told myself that this would be temporary, that I would only do a year there and then we would find him a job and I could go back to BYU and sing my way to graduation. I flew home in April 100% that that was the plan and that I'd be back in a year.

Two weeks after being home again in Indiana, I knew that my original plan was not what was supposed to happen. I didn't want to admit it, but I knew that I would not be getting my degree in VP and that I needed to stay at Purdue. I eventually came to terms with this and felt good about being here.

And then school started.

And I hated it.

I felt like I had no friends there. And that was fairly accurate. My best friends were serving missions for our church, at BYU, at other schools, or at Purdue, but I never saw them. I can't even begin to tell you how alone I felt. I cried a lot. I couldn't believe that the loneliest time of my life was when I was married. I thought I should be past that awkward "I have no friends" stage. But it was just beginning. I was known in my classes as the (weird) "married girl" who was a sophomore in college. No one said anything mean, but I could tell people were taken aback since this was so clearly not the norm for Purdue. I had a different lifestyle than my fellow classmates. I lived off-campus. I didn't party. I didn't do a lot of extracurriculars at school. I cared about my education. I went to class. I didn't fit in.

Many of my high school friends go to Purdue, but I felt like I never saw them. I thought about trying to make arrangements to spend time with them outside of school, but I always wanted to spend my free time with my husband, for good reason. I didn't know what to do other than pray for help.

Then last night, something clicked.

I was at a birthday party with friends from church and guess what? They were all young and married! I was still the youngest person there, but many of the girls at the party were my age when they got married. They had been in my shoes before. As I spend more and more time with these amazing women, I realize how lucky I am to know them and that while I didn't grow up with them like my other friends, they could (and are) becoming some of my best friends. We have so much in common and they are incredibly kind to me. I am starting to be able to feel their friendship filling a void I've had in my life these past 6 months.

I then began thinking about how I had lunch last weekend with one of my friends from high school and how great that was, and my friend who has started meeting me every Monday to have lunch on campus, and how I got to talk to Wylie (who goes to school in Texas) on the phone yesterday, and how I get to exchange emails with my old roommate, and how I text Rebekah in Utah and Michelle in Cali, and how my sister calls/texts me and never ceases to make me laugh, how Abby & McKinstry always bring a smile to my face in-between classes and how I get emails and letters from my dear friends who are out on missions in foreign countries. And then I wasn't so sad anymore. While my old friends may not be here with me in a physical sense, I'm so blessed to have them continue to be a consistent presence in my life.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me to feel like I'm starting to form new friendships with these young married girls. It's honestly like a breath of fresh air for me. I don't feel so alone anymore. So thank you, Vanessa, Sherree, Sarah, Sam, Danielle, Jennifer, Michelle, Carrie, Megan, Jessica, Liesl, Kim, Jennifer, & Rachel. You are all blessing my life in ways that I'm sure you didn't even realize until now. And thank you to Dooley, Mayfawny, Wylie, Carissa, Rebekah, Marnee', Brookie, Michelle, Jessica, Jessica, and Mercedes. I wish we were closer together again, but I'm so grateful that we've been able to continue our friendships despite the distance.

And of course, a huuuuuge thank you to wonderful Husband & my amazing parents. You guys have helped me so much with this transition and have made it a lot more enjoyable. I'm so grateful that we live close to each other and get to spend so much time together as a family :)

So if you're feeling alone, whether you're where I live or far away, know that you're not. Don't be afraid to reach out to people. Tell them how you're feeling. Let them know you need friendship. Pray for guidance. People are a lot more willing to help than you may think. Feel free to message me as well. I'm good for some advice and chocolate.

That was pretty heavy stuff. To reward you for reading all the way to the end, here's a video of a panda playing in the snow.


Excited That: It's Saturday and I get to hang out with Husband.
Should Be: Applying for scholarships.
And: Doing homework.
Knee is: Fat. I had a checkup appointment the other day. My doctor bent it so far that I cried. It was pitiful.
Still Waiting For: The weather to be over 20 degrees.
Days Until Christmas: 319



4 comments :

  1. I think we all go through similar feelings. I for sure did. You are living a today new chapter, and this chapter has a new set of characters in it...but the old ones are still in your book too. :) I love you and am so glad were neighbors :)

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    1. Me too!! It's been so great haha we just need to find a way to keep you guys here then I'd be golden!! Love you too, boo and thanks for everything :)

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  2. Thanks for sharing all of this! I'm so glad you feel as if you've finally found your place.

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    Replies
    1. Aw thank you Meghan! You are so sweet. I really appreciate it!

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